Work & Identity

It seems like in our society, so much of our 'identity' is tied up with what we do for a living. A lot of people feel varying levels of validation based on how the living is earned. Not only in how much we earn [with perceptions of higher pay=higher status], but also in how we view the work we do. Kind of like, is this a 'job' to primarily pay the bills or is it more of a career, doing something we're passionate about? I would hope that doing something we're passionate about, regardless of pay, would add to the positive views of who we are and what we might want to become. Is this making any sense [as I'm rambling on...]?

This past week, I've been mulling over these issues and am trying to look at the bigger picture. We're more than just the jobs we do to provide an income, more than 'just' being a parent, someone's kid or sibling, etc. There's the stuff we enjoy doing outside of work-- hobbies, cooking, things we do with friends, volunteering for your favorite cause... If we're so tied up/involved with the paid work we do, do we alsso value the other parts of what makes us tick? Or do we even know what those other parts or values are? Are these other 'things' even important?

All of these questions are bouncing around in my head right now because I've been on disability for a few years. And though I struggled in my last few work years due to health issues, not contributing was [and is] still a struggle to deal with. Adding to that is [mostly] well-meaning family and friends that try to convince me I 'should' return to being an employee somewhere. However, this is not a viable option.

Early in the year, though, I hooked up with a Social Securtity-approved vocational rehab center and was assigned a case worker to assist in finding a job. We met every 4-6 weeks and concluded that work woudn't work for me. Now, since I no longer need her assistance, this past Monday we closed out my case.

Shouldn't I be relieved that another professional agrees? I am. But I'm sad, too. I'm fully aware of the harm work could do to me but the door way on the other side of the room was still slightly ajar, waiting for me to go through and land that elusive perfect job. Now the northern winds have blown through, slamming that door shut with no means to escape.

So how can I change or add to my identity now? One of the things could be to brainstorm a list of what things I've always wanted to try and, if money was not an issue, learn as much as I can on one or two of these things. Maybe collect news articles,maps, brochures... Find or make some sort of artistic representation and put them these together and create a 'dream' book/journal [and continue to do the same with other ideas]. Take a class, read, talk with others that aren't working and identify areas that you have in common and the differences. Ask what sort of qualities, values, interests they have.... It can add new perspectives.

I'm trying to process how this identity will change as I grow up. [Do I even WANT to grow up? Well, enough of this going on and on; this can be a separate posting some other day.] In the meantime, just spend some time in just being.